I Wish I Could Have Frozen Time Without Mesothelioma

• Joseph Belluck
• Faces of Mesothelioma, Uncategorized

I can’t believe that the lives of my family have been affected by mesothelioma for over five years. It’s impossible for me to believe that Dad has been gone for four of them. Where has the time gone?

Over these past 5 ½ years, my family has undergone many changes. Life continues on even though it feels as though time is stagnant. I remember in the days immediately following my father’s diagnosis walking through the halls of the hospital. I watched people smile, wondering how they could be happy in the same time that my life was falling apart. Patients were being discharged onto a full recovery; as happy as I was for them, I couldn’t help but wonder what shape my Dad’s life was going to take.

Knowing what I do now, I would have liked to fast forward time to three months later and freeze it with Dad at that point. He had a clean bill of health; no evidence of disease on his scans, and getting stronger every day after the ravaging effects of chemotherapy. He was happy, and hopeful that life would go on as if meso had never entered his life. If I could have kept him that way forever, I would have. But we all know that’s not possible.

Don Smitley and Jennifer Gelsick

Looking at things from a rational point of view, we have to find a way to understand that, although time marches on, our memories, these moments frozen in time, can stay with us forever. We can choose to focus on the best of times instead of our hardest struggles. Keep those memories close to your heart; it is how I am choosing to remember my father, just the way he would have wanted.