Category: Family
My Father’s Passing Leaves Me Asking, “What Would Dad Say?”
When my Dad died, I didn’t just lose my father. He was so much more than that. On October 15, 2013, I lost a best friend, mentor, comedian, story-teller, and guide. When you lose someone you love so much, you lose a part of yourself.
Dad was honestly one of the best friends you could ever have asked for. People were always drawn to him, wanting to be around his infectious personality. He graced so many people with his presence, but I got to have him all the time. There are so many little things about my relationship with Dad that no one will ever know. How when I was little, any time I was sick, he would go to the store and pick up some goofy present for me. Whether it was an oversized coloring book and crayons or a silly book, those gifts became some of my favorite things.
My Dad was (as I’ve said before) so wise and gave me the greatest advice. I often feel lost without him when I’m trying to make a decision. Instead of picking up the phone to call him, I now have to sit back and think hard about what he would suggest and ultimately, what he would do in his own life. He was a walking, talking example of what a genuinely good human being should be.
Dad was funny! Most of the time, he didn’t really mean to be funny, it just kind of stumbled into his lap. He had an amazing sense of humor and was always laughing at himself. Don’t get me wrong, he was a jokester too! He loved to make people smile with his off-kilter way of talking or just doing a funny move.
My father truly was an extraordinary man and a piece of me did die with him that day. I lost one of the brightest lights in my life, but I do realize how blessed that I am to have had him as my Dad. It brings me comfort to know that even though I lost him, Heaven gained an angel.
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Happy Birthday Dad
April 25 would have been my Dad’s 58th birthday. Instead of cake and presents, there were flowers, tears, and a visit to his grave site. Where there should have been the sounds of laughter and singing, there were tears and sadness. We spent the day looking back at the past instead of looking toward what the following year would hold. Everything is different now.
Looking back and thinking of how we usually spent Dad’s birthday, I can’t help but smile. It was always simple, but special. We would have presents and cake and usually go out to dinner… one of those dinners that would last for hours full of stories and memories being made. Dad and Mom’s birthdays are two weeks apart, so we usually celebrated both of them together.
When Dad turned 50, we had a surprise party for him. There were 100 or so guests, family and friends, who came out to fete him. His band played; there was great food, funny gifts, and just a wonderful night to honor such an amazing person. I know that Dad felt so loved that night; his smile said it all.
When we started planning the party, we knew we wanted his band to be there, but didn’t quite know how to arrange that without him figuring it out. That’s when it was decided that I would tell him that my aunt and I were planning a surprise party for Mom. I told him that his only job was to get the band to play. I could tell that he wanted to do more and that it kind of hurt his feelings a little. I felt horrible!!!! All I could do was tell myself that I had to let it go until the party. I remember apologizing to him that night and he just laughed, like he always did!
That night, we had no idea that he wouldn’t have very many birthdays left. Life was easy and fun, so lighthearted, just like Dad. He wasn’t a worrier; he just took things as they came. Thinking of things this way, it makes me realize even more to treasure your time and make the most of every second.
Even though I miss Dad constantly, it’s the special occasions that are the hardest. It brings so much pain into my heart thinking back on the past and realizing that Dad’s not here to share in our present or future in the way he used to. The most important thing, I suppose, is to always remember that he’s in my heart and the hearts of all those who loved him. He has given us a birthday gift in this way.
I hope you had the best birthday in Heaven, Dad. I’m sure the cake and ice cream were the best ever.
Mesothelioma Advocates are Critical for Helping to Find a Cure
I have said numerous times that I had no idea what mesothelioma was until after my Dad was diagnosed. And, really, if you have no reason to know, why would you? Mesothelioma is always shown in commercials, with people offering some sort of legal advice. The word might be out there, but in no way does that explain what it is, how there is no cure, and what causes it.
Mesothelioma might be considered one of the lesser known diseases of our time. Even so, those impacted by its grasp find that they can never get away from it. With the cure not being found as of yet, loved ones of those who have or have had meso find themselves in constant fear of asbestos, myself included. We try to educate others of the dangers of this material and provide as much information as possible, but it still feels like people aren’t really listening.
Funding for mesothelioma research and education is critical. We must not only educate the general public about this form of cancer, but also work constantly to raise money that goes toward research so that we can, someday very soon, find a cure.
With people not being overly familiar with mesothelioma, it is sometimes tough to fundraise. People might not want to contribute to a cause that they know nothing about. When you are working on a fundraiser, be sure to offer literature that your patrons can look at. If your event is in honor or in memory of someone, talk about them and their life and how it was changed by this disease.
Having lived through my Dad’s journey with mesothelioma makes me want to work even harder to raise funds for organizations that work towards eradicating this disease. Dad underwent a heartbreaking diagnosis, surgery, chemotherapy, a clinical trial, and radiation before he passed away on October 15, 2013. The time between his diagnosis and passing was almost 21 months. That period was the most challenging of his life and the lives of our family.
Even though my Dad is now in Heaven, I will continue to work to raise awareness and funds for mesothelioma research, and I hope that you will join me. My prayer is that together, we can save lives through education and treatments, and finding new leaders who are committed to ultimately find a cure for mesothelioma.
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My Memories of Dad Will Last a Lifetime
I have had a number of people tell me, “Don’t worry, you’ll never forget your Dad.” People have also said, “It’s hard, but try not to forget.” Right after Dad passed, forgetting any little thing was my biggest concern. Now, I realize I don’t have to worry about it, that Dad is always with me in some way.
Once I got over the initial shock of Dad’s passing, I realized that there is no way I will ever forget my Dad. We may not clearly remember loved ones we lost when we were young, but I was 30 when I lost Dad – plenty old enough to have stored up memories to last me a lifetime.
A lot of people go through this fear, and I honestly think that it’s perfectly natural. You want to hang on to every moment that you spent with the person you lost, not forgetting a single detail. You want the young, maybe even unborn, members of your family to know them like you did. The good news is that they can… through you!
To me, carrying on someone’s memory is a special gift that you can share with others. They don’t just have to be children, even an adult who didn’t know your loved one could benefit from hearing stories, seeing pictures, or watching home movies of someone who was special to you.
I think of my Dad every single day, and I know that’s something that will never go away. I talk to him a lot, telling him about what’s going on in my life, joys and sorrows, triumphs and failures, just like I would have if he were still here. I know that he’s up in Heaven interceding for me. It’s hard to look at it this way at first, but realizing that you now have a special angel up there is a pretty awesome thing!
Carrying someone with you and passing on their memories can be a lot of work, but it’s something so worth it. Talking about your loved one will come to bring you joy and comfort after a while and can bring you a feeling of being close to them. Your relationship with your loved one is unique and special, carry it with you always!
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Why I Will Always Be an Advocate for the Mesothelioma Community
Advocating for mesothelioma patients and their families has become a big part of my life since my Dad’s diagnosis in January of 2012. Even though I knew next to nothing about the disease, I immediately felt connected to the mesothelioma community and knew that I needed to do all that I could to help find a cure and to fight on their behalf.
Throughout my Dad’s journey with mesothelioma, my family and I did fundraisers to work toward finding a cure for this terrible cancer. Over the past two years, I have been blessed to come to know many researchers, caregivers, and meso warriors. Hearing their stories inspired me to do more, but I wasn’t sure what I had to give. I was so grateful for all those who were fighting on my family’s behalf, but I didn’t know how I could help. Total strangers were pulling for Dad and praying for us, how could I ever repay them?
When I lost my father on October 15, 2013, I realized that what I had to give was my voice. Through writing, fundraising, and just talking to people to raise mesothelioma awareness, I can make a difference. And so can you.
Being a mesothelioma advocate means speaking for those whose voices have been silenced by the disease. It means fighting for those whose bodies need to focus on healing. It means educating others about the dangers of asbestos and the serious implications of exposure. The best part of this is that you don’t have to do it alone. There are lots of people out there who are encouraging mesothelioma patients and research in their own ways. Innovate. Get creative!
Being a mesothelioma advocate is a wonderful way to remember a loved one who has fought this horrible sickness or to honor someone who is still battling. I choose to speak up in memory of my Dad, who fought tirelessly until he took his last breath. I owe it to him and the rest of the mesothelioma community to keep fighting. My prayer is that together, we can find a cure so that no one has to go through this ever again.
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