Category: Family
Loss of Loved One to Mesothelioma Motivate You To Help Others
The passing of someone you love changes you; anyone who has suffered a deep loss will tell you this. There is something about you that is just not the same afterward. There is pain, an ache, that never goes away, no matter how much time goes by.
Loss is a constant presence in the room, causing you to look for the one you lost, playing a cheap trick and laughing when you realize that they are not there. Loss is a hunger, a need for one more moment together, one last “I love you” that you know will never come. Loss is excruciating.
In the days and weeks following my father’s death, I wondered how I would go on for the rest of my life without him. I contemplated possible scenarios that may come my way and how I would handle myself without my most trusted advisor. I prayed, and still do, for the strength to find myself in this new world, this new reality that I can’t look in the eye.
I never thought that I would have to go through life without my Dad. Losing him when I was 30 was incomprehensible to me; there was no way that this could be real. I’ve come to learn that even though I’ve accepted the fact that my father is no longer with me, I still haven’t come to terms with it completely. I go on with my life as if nothing happened, but inside, I know the truth.
I know that my heart has been broken and a piece of it will never be repaired. I know that this quiet, gentle man who I called “Dad” took a part of me with him, but also left some of himself here for me. I don’t think that you truly ever move on from such an immense loss. Maybe we learn to cope and function, but we’re never really the same.
If there is one lesson that I can learn from my experience, it may sound cliché, but it’s that life is truly short. I believe that we are each given this beautiful gift of life, and with it comes an amazing opportunity to make someone else’s life better. Don’t be afraid to do great things.
Let the change in you, the one resulting from loss, motivate you to make your life the best it can be, and share that with everyone around you. Be an example of kindness in the face of adversity, love when you are in sorrow, and peace when everything seems to be falling apart. Be a spark of hope, show loss who’s boss.
Victim’s Daughter Answers Question, “What Is Mesothelioma?”
“But what is mesothelioma?” This question usually follows when I tell people how my Dad passed away or why I’m fundraising. I then go into what causes it, the treatments Dad went through… the “science” of the disease. Most of the time, people nod their heads and go on with their day. But they don’t know the part about what mesothelioma really is to those who live it.
Mesothelioma is a thief, I’ve said this before. It steals your loved ones, their quality of life, and their comfort. In the last five years, I have seen so many people lose parents, spouses, and friends from this cancer. I, myself, have lost people that I care about to mesothelioma that I have gotten to know through being a part of this community.
Mesothelioma is a way of life. Unfortunately, when you are struck with this diagnosis, it consumes every part of you. Patients are constantly seeing doctors, receiving treatment, and thinking about the fact that they have mesothelioma. Caregivers are always looking for ways to help their loved one. And the truth of the matter is, for me, those three months between Dad’s scans were always torturous. You never knew what would be around the next corner. It truly takes precedence over every other aspect of your life.
Mesothelioma is unforgiving, unapologetic, and does not discriminate. I have known very young people and the elderly who have been stricken with this cancer. It doesn’t care who you are or what you do. It can’t be bothered by the fact that you have a family who you love and who needs you. It simply takes.
Mesothelioma is, in fact, a cancer caused by exposure to asbestos, but it is so much more. This disease has changed my life and the lives of countless others in ways that we never could have imagined.
Mesothelioma Patients are Not Alone on their Journey
Throughout my father’s journey with mesothelioma, and even now, I have been blessed with wonderful family members and friends to support me. They have been there through every triumph and struggle, all the ups and downs of this part of my life, but sometimes, I still find myself feeling alone.
When you are faced with a life altering event like a mesothelioma diagnosis, it’s easy to find yourself feeling like no one understands. My entire family was doing their best to cope with the news, but each one of us had to process it, and ultimately go through it, on our own. It’s important to remember that no two people are just alike. If you gave 100 people the same exact situation, you would have 100 different reactions. It is this way with every turning point in your life.
Something else to remember is that it’s ok if you don’t want to share every detail of your experience with this disease with the world. There are some things that you want to keep private. Even I, writing about my family’s story all these years, don’t divulge every nuance of our lives. People will ask questions, and it’s ok to say that you aren’t comfortable discussing it. The topic of mesothelioma may be all that you’re asked about. Sure, there are some people out there who are just being nosey, but the vast majority are truly concerned and want to help.
Keep in mind that even though you may feel like you are on this road by yourself, you are not. Your friends and family are right there with you, undertaking this journey in their own way. Even though it may not be easy, try to keep an open line of communication so that when someone does decide they want to talk, they know that somebody will be there to listen.
Please remember that you have countless people praying for you. Total strangers know how they felt at different points in a mesothelioma story, and only want the best for you and your loved ones. Keep the faith and remember that you are not alone.
It’s the Little Things That Make the Holiday Special for Mesothelioma Patients
This weekend, people around the world will be celebrating the holidays with family and friends. Mesothelioma patients and their families are more than likely taking a little extra time to appreciate the little things that make their time together special. Whether it is enjoying the lights of the season, a light snow falling, a football game on TV, a fire in the fireplace or the bite of a delicious cookie, taking the time to sit back and enjoy the simple pleasures of life can ease some of the stress of the season.
Unfortunately, treatments, doctors’ appointments, and the pain of the disease don’t stop during the holiday season. But patients who take the time to forget about their disease, if for just one day, will feel a little more relaxed when they return for their next appointment.
If you have a friend or a loved one suffering from a serious illness, consider taking the time to send a hand-written card, deliver a homemade treat or simply stop by for a short visit to let them know you are thinking of them.
While many factors determine survival for a mesothelioma patient, such as treatment plan and overall health and fitness of the patient, physicians also believe that a positive outlook and affirming thoughts can result in the improvement in a patient’s health. Mesothelioma patients should try to use the holiday cheer to help raise their mood and lower their anxiety level to help them feel better. Maybe those feelings will carry into the next day, week and month.
Warm wishes from all of us at MesotheliomaHelp.
2016 Reflections: What If There Was No Mesothelioma?
As the year draws to a close, it is a great time to reflect. It is a time to look forward with renewed hope for the coming year, but also to remember those who have been introduced to the mesothelioma community and the ones who have lost their fight.
Looking back on another full year without my Dad, I can’t help but wonder what my experiences over these last 365 days would have been like if he had been here. Birthday parties, holidays, and all of my memories with my now two year old daughter, would have been much sweeter with his smile present. Even my hardest times this year would have seemed more manageable with his calming demeanor and always perfect advice.
I know that I’m not the only person who feels this way. Countless others are asking themselves the “what-if” question that I grapple with every day. “What-if” Dad had been here for my little one’s first time at her music class? “What-if” Dad had been here for our fundraising events? “What-if” Dad had never been diagnosed with mesothelioma in the first place? These are hard questions to ponder; they have no tangible answer right now.
As I look forward, I know that I will always struggle with the loss of my father. Even so, I have to keep the faith that a cure for this cancer is right around the corner. With faith in God and the help of doctors, researchers, and regular supporters like myself, we can conquer this disease. Let’s work together to make 2017 the year where mesothelioma comes to an end. God bless you and have a peaceful, happy New Year!
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