Category: Faces of Mesothelioma
Grieving the Loss of a Loved One to Mesothelioma
If you ask anyone close to me, they will tell you that I don’t like being forced into things. The harder I’m pushed to do something that I don’t want to do, the less likely I am to cooperate. It’s a character flaw, I know, but it’s the truth about me. I don’t like to feel as though someone is manipulating my feelings; in particular, how I should feel about my Dad’s passing.
Many people have said to me, “Your father has been gone for a while now, it’s time to get over it.” They shake their head and say, “It’s really time to move on.” I honestly don’t have a response to these comments. Those saying these things didn’t go through my pain. How can someone be so insensitive to my loss? Everyone goes through this pain differently, and these statements may be motivating to some people, but to me, they are almost insulting. Don’t be ashamed to grieve.
Loss is an individual event. An entire family can lose the same person but each one will process that loss in a different way. Some may be open, wanting to constantly discuss every detail of what happened, attempting to comprehend each nuance. Others might shut down and not want to talk about it. Some people might crave human interaction and want a house full of people; others may prefer to be alone.
When I lost my Dad, I wanted to be around people. Hearing stories and seeing family members and friends rally around us was comforting to me. Even though I had a hard time returning phone calls and emails, knowing that people cared was cathartic for me. It was when those messages stopped coming that it became really difficult.
Since Dad died, a lot of people we know have lost parents. I hate that I know how they feel, but do I really? I lost my Dad, I didn’t lose theirs. I know the relationship I had with my Dad, I don’t know anyone else’s. Although the premise of the loss is the same, each instance is completely different.
Pray for all those who grieve. They need direction, serenity, and peace. Pray to be helpful to them and for guidance to be a supportive friend. The pain of losing someone you love never goes away, the feeling may change over time, but you will never forget them.
Mesothelioma Help Scholarship – Great Opportunity to Make a Difference
Once again, I was humbled and honored to be a judge for the spring Jan Egerton and Don Smitley Mesothelioma Scholarship contest. Jan was an inspiring woman who I was happy to be acquainted with and, of course, Don was my father. A scholarship memorializing these two amazing mesothelioma warriors seems only fitting.
As I read through each entry, I was astounded at the interest and compassion shown by each student. They really did an excellent job researching the topic and many stated how much they learned through the process. I gain a lot of hope in knowing that teens and young adults are becoming aware of this disease and showing a genuine interest in how they can help.
These youths are the next generation of up-and-coming professionals and philanthropists, and it will be up to them to continue the fight against mesothelioma. I find comfort in knowing that the torch will be passed to such motivated individuals.
Educating ourselves about the dangers of asbestos and mesothelioma is the first step in eradicating this cancer. It is our responsibility as a community to make sure that this is done and done well. I am extremely proud of the scholarship participants for their hard work and commitment to serving others.
I pray that you all continue on your journey to help those with mesothelioma, believing in a cure!
Help Ease the Pressure On Mesothelioma Caregivers
Being a caregiver for a mesothelioma patient is a challenging, yet rewarding, experience. When you are helping out a loved one facing mesothelioma, remember to care for the caregiver as well.
Living three hours away from my parents, I was a part-time caregiver for my father. Helping him accomplish tasks that he used to do without hesitation was challenging, but mostly on an emotional level. Having family members and friends to talk to helped me tremendously. It was tough to see such a strong, active person as Dad having to ask others for help cutting the grass, cutting down a tree, moving something heavy. Being able to voice my concerns and share my feelings was (and still is) invaluable to me.
You might wonder what you can do for the caregivers, family members, and friends. As I said, for me, a listening ear made all the difference. You might offer to prepare a meal for them or to give them a night off and take over their duties for the evening. Sometimes, it’s tough to get out to run errands; pick up some groceries for them!
I know that for my Dad, it was hard to be stuck in the house in the cold weather. He loved being out in the snow, but with the meso and its effects, it made it difficult for him. In cases like this, go visit them. Take over a movie or a board game; make it a fun night in for everyone. This could also allow the caregiver some light-hearted time. They appreciate the gestures and company just as much as the patient does.
Above all, remember that just because someone has mesothelioma and their family and loved ones are caring for them, they are the same person as before their diagnosis. They need prayers, love, and support. Your friendship and concern can provide respite and peace to them when they need it the most.
Know more about Mesothelioma and how you can deal with it.
Ask Jennifer: What Mesothelioma Symptoms Did Your Father Have?
It seems like people who are diagnosed with mesothelioma all have a different story as to how their symptoms appeared. For my Dad, it began in the Summer of 2011, when he started having trouble catching his breath. He chalked it up to the extreme heat that we had that year, continued working and didn’t miss a beat.
His difficulty breathing continued to get more severe. He said he knew that there was something really wrong when we were walking outside in the Fall and he had to stop and take a break. He began to lose weight and was unbearably tired all of the time.
Because of his exhaustion, his personality even began to change. His usually unshakable, bubbly demeanor gave way to one of concern and fatigue. He would go to work, come home and take care of his ailing mother, and that was it. This man who was always ready to go was now increasingly becoming a homebody.
By the time Dad was finally diagnosed, he had lost around 30 pounds. He was struggling to work and continue on with daily activities. Once he had his pleurectomy, on February 15, 2012, he seemed like a different person. The lining of his lung was removed, and he became more like his old self immediately, having almost a new lease on life.
Everyone has a varying story with their symptoms and treatment, but this is the experience my family went through. We are thankful that he was correctly diagnosed and treated so quickly by amazing doctors and medical professionals.
Know more about Mesothelioma and how you can deal with it.
Battling Pneumonia and Mesothelioma
In my previous blog I talked about keeping Dad as healthy as possible and away from germs that could be brought into the house while he recovered from his chemotherapy. Sometimes it’s impossible to know how someone was exposed to germs that makes them sick, but unfortunately, this past summer that’s exactly what happened to my father. He developed pneumonia and was very quickly on his way to the hospital.
This was a very scary thing to happen to him. It was early June when my mom had to take him to the emergency room because he could not breathe, and he was having very violent coughing attacks. He was also at the very end of his chemotherapy treatment when he landed himself in the hospital, so his immune system was already suppressed and he was very weak.
I received the phone call from my mother on a Friday to let me know they were at the hospital, but at that exact time they did not even know what was going on. She told me to stay put and she would keep me updated. I kept in contact the entire weekend while simultaneously training for my new summer job at the local yacht club – all the while hiding how upset I was. Sunday morning I got a call from my mom, and the doctor had requested I come home to see him.
I was very scared to hear this from his doctor in the ICU. He had said that they were going to have to intubate Dad, and I might not be able to talk to him again. This was serious, and they did not know if he would recover because of how run down his body was from the chemo treatments.
I raced home first thing and went straight to the hospital. When I got there, the doctors had decided that they were going to be able to get away with not putting Dad on a ventilator after all, which was amazing news. From the time that I left the shore and the time it took me to get home, his vitals were stabilizing and he seemed to be getting a little better. I sat with him all day Sunday and talked to him, with him not responding of course, but it made me feel better and I think it made him feel better that I was there.
Dad was in the hospital for another week or so and was finally released to come home. He had an appointment with his University of Pennsylvania doctors within a few days after he left the local hospital near my parent’s home. His doctors at Penn had told him that he could not finish the chemotherapy because of how sick he got and it was to the point where his body was unable to fight off a sickness by itself. This showed that the chemo totally knocked his white blood cell count to almost nothing and he could no longer fight off germs. His new goal was to get stronger and healthier before the next step: immunotherapy.
Keep reading next week about how Dad and I were able to put mesothelioma on hold, at least for a week, while we enjoyed a vacation at the Shore.
Free Mesothelioma Patient & Treatment Guide
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It contains a wealth of information and resources to help you better understand the condition, choose (and afford) appropriate treatment, and exercise your legal right to compensation.
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