Category: Faces of Mesothelioma
Keep Planning, But Seize the Day When Dealing with Mesothelioma
I am a planner – down to the last little detail. If you can anticipate it, I try to plan for it. When Dad was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma, all my plans went out the window. Your life and its direction all have to veer toward this awful disease. You realize that things have to change. No one plans on getting mesothelioma. No one plans to alter their lifestyle so completely around good days and bad days.
We learned quickly that we could still make plans, but that they were always subject to change. Dad never wanted to change them, but sometimes, there was no way around it. Learning to be flexible was difficult for me, but it was completely understandable. Dad had to come first.
We continued making plans, looking toward the future. We planned get-togethers, holidays, and birthdays. We looked forward to the next time we would all be together; going out to dinner or to hear Dad play with his band were high on our priority list. Time took on a whole new meaning.
Looking back now, I realize that most of the time, the best things in life are unplanned. Some of the best memories I have with Dad were those quiet, unassuming moments where we would end up doing something silly, laughing uncontrollably. The most meaningful conversations were about nothing, and the greatest trips were those down memory lane.
Living life fully and in the moment is so special, and I learned this valuable lesson during my Dad’s battle with mesothelioma. Never take one second for granted and give your whole self to everything that you do. Plan for the future, but don’t let those plans stand in the way of something greater that God has planned for you. Just live.
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Finding Peace After Being a Caregiver to a Mesothelioma Patient
One of the many major changes that occur when you lose a loved one to mesothelioma is that you are no longer needed to be a caregiver to them. Most of your time has been spent caring for that person, doing your best to give them everything they need. You have most likely neglected yourself and your personal needs. It’s an easy thing to do, and I think we’ve all been there at some point in our lives or another.
As hard as it is, it is important to realize that you need to take some time to care for yourself. Let others help you in this endeavor, as it will be a difficult time of adjustment and transition. Accepting that you have lost a loved one is never easy, but you need to keep in mind that they wouldn’t have wanted you to forget about you. Your life was precious to them, and they would want you to continue living it to the fullest.
Allowing others to help you grieve is ok; remember that. You don’t have to be alone in your sorrow. So, let yourself be with people who make you happy. Allow yourself to smile again and realize that it’s ok to be happy. It’s ok to always miss your loved one.
I miss my Dad at every second of the day, but I understand now that he is truly in a better place, free from this awful disease. I find so much comfort in knowing that Heaven is only a prayer away. This realization allows me to accept all the joy in my life, while always carrying my father in my heart.
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Keeping Advocacy Alive After Loss of Loved One to Mesothelioma
Losing someone to mesothelioma changes your life in a million ways. One way, in particular for me, was how my family looked at itself without Dad. Dad was the steady, kind, thoughtful presence who always put others before himself. Trying to redefine who we are as a unit was a daunting task; I kept trying to picture life going on without him and was unsuccessful.
In the days following Dad’s death, I felt like I was walking through a fog. I knew that it was real, I knew that we were planning my father’s funeral, but I still couldn’t face it. People came to the house and brought meals, cards, and anything they thought we may need; their generosity seemed boundless, but I couldn’t bring myself to properly thank them. I tried to smile when people greeted me, but all I could see was the sorrow in their eyes; they had lost a friend as well.
I was given a lot of encouragement from people who truly didn’t know what to say. I felt as though it was hard for people to see me; in a way, it probably was. What words can befit the loss of a parent? Still, I appreciated their outpouring of love and support, even though I wasn’t sure I wanted to accept it. I felt like if I did, it would make everything more real.
I will never forget one of my dear friends, who also sadly lost a parent, coming to the viewing. She told me that she wasn’t going to sugar-coat anything for me and that things were going to be terribly difficult. The change in my life would impact me at every moment of every day. She told me that I would miss my Dad at both major life events and during normal happenings but that she would be there for me, as would all my friends and family.
Our conversation has stuck with me, and I honestly think that speaking with her that night made me realize that I had to consent to this path that God was leading my family down. Hiding from the fact that my Dad had passed away would hold me back from living my life as fully as I could, and from working to help others in the mesothelioma community.
Allowing something positive to come from my Dad’s illness is exactly what he would have wanted. He would have wanted his family to continue to work to be a positive influence in any way we were able and to support this cause as much as possible.
For my family, the best way to honor Dad is to share his story of faith with others. I feel truly blessed to have this platform to do just that. Thank you for listening to our story.
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Holding Dad Close to My Heart on Father’s Day
Father’s day is just around the corner, and this year’s is especially bittersweet for me. As I continue to mourn the loss of my own Dad, this year marks the first as a father for my husband. As hard as it is to balance these emotions, it is important to continue to celebrate those who are still with us and remember those we have said goodbye to.
2013 was the last Father’s day I got to spend with my Dad. He was in New York City with my Mom, staying at the Hope Lodge. He was nearing the end of his radiation treatment at Mount Sinai Hospital, and we had planned to drive in that Monday and bring him back home Tuesday. After a long, almost seven week, stay there, Dad was feeling the effects of the treatment and missing home terribly. On Father’s Day morning, my husband and I drove into the city and surprised him. I will never forget the look on his face.
When he came down to the family area of the Hope Lodge, he was surprised and happy to see us. You could see in his eyes the love that he had for us, coupled with weakness and fatigue. The residual effects of the radiation were written on his face, hidden behind the joy of being with his family on such a special day.
Dad didn’t feel up to going out that day, so we spent it together playing games, talking about going home, and ordering burgers in. It was a precious time for us all. Knowing that Dad’s treatment was almost over gave us a renewed hope, but we were all worse for wear. Dad from the treatment itself, Mom from being a full time caregiver, and Mike and I from making bi-weekly trips to NYC to be with them. Those trips were worth every second.
I always felt that my Dad deserved to have Father’s day every day. He was selfless, loving, faithful, and kind; I see these traits embodied in my husband as I watch him with our baby daughter. I know that Dad would be so proud of him and want to celebrate him as well. While my family shares this beautiful day together, I will remember my Dad and all that he was, and still is, to me. The beautiful bond between father and child cannot be undone; I will always love my Dad and forever be his little girl.
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Tread Lightly When Offering Your Opinion on a Friend’s Mesothelioma Treatment Plan
Everyone deals with challenging times in different ways. All you can do is pray and trust in God that you will make the right decisions on how to handle them. A mesothelioma diagnosis is an earth shattering event and it can make you question everything you thought you knew.
When my Dad was diagnosed, we immediately went into panic mode, but quickly realized that we needed to remain focused on the task at hand; this task was coming up with and implementing a treatment plan, and finding the right people to help us figure out what exactly that was. Through God’s Divine intervention, we truly believe that we took the best course of action that we possibly could.
When Dad passed away, I was at peace knowing that he had fought hard and that together as a family, we had done our best every step of the way. Then the doubt started to creep in; the catalyst being people openly questioning our decisions. You get asked things like, “Do you think if he had done a different treatment he would have made it?” “Do you think you should have done something differently?” And then, the worst, “If it were me, I would have…”
To these questions, I reply that we did the best we could with the information and treatment options available at the time. We truly feel that our course was where we were supposed to be. And then, I pray that it’s never you or someone you care about.
I understand that it’s human nature to want to voice your opinion; it’s something that each of us is entitled to do. The tough part about these opinions in personal situations is just that, it’s personal. No matter how hard I try to let comments roll off of my back, it’s almost impossible for me. I am fiercely protective of my family and the memory of my father. Someone implying that we didn’t do everything possible to save him breaks my heart.
Mesothelioma is a thief. It deprives you of air, it takes away your energy, and in some cases, lives are lost to it. Meso stole my father from me. It stole my mother’s husband. It kept my daughter from ever even meeting her grandfather.
Any implication of being lackadaisical in taking care of someone you love so much is painful. Everyone handles their life’s situations in different ways. Even though they may not choose the same course that you would, respect their decisions.
Mother Theresa said, “Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; the third is to be kind.” Use words to lift people up, not to tear them down. Do your best to be understanding of other’s pain; show them kindness instead of doubt or disdain. The mesothelioma community has already been dealt with a devastating blow; be a support to them, don’t tear them down.
Free Mesothelioma Patient & Treatment Guide
We’d like to offer you our in-depth guide, “A Patient’s Guide to Mesothelioma,” absolutely free of charge.
It contains a wealth of information and resources to help you better understand the condition, choose (and afford) appropriate treatment, and exercise your legal right to compensation.
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