Author: Joseph Belluck
2016 Reflections: What If There Was No Mesothelioma?
As the year draws to a close, it is a great time to reflect. It is a time to look forward with renewed hope for the coming year, but also to remember those who have been introduced to the mesothelioma community and the ones who have lost their fight.
Looking back on another full year without my Dad, I can’t help but wonder what my experiences over these last 365 days would have been like if he had been here. Birthday parties, holidays, and all of my memories with my now two year old daughter, would have been much sweeter with his smile present. Even my hardest times this year would have seemed more manageable with his calming demeanor and always perfect advice.
I know that I’m not the only person who feels this way. Countless others are asking themselves the “what-if” question that I grapple with every day. “What-if” Dad had been here for my little one’s first time at her music class? “What-if” Dad had been here for our fundraising events? “What-if” Dad had never been diagnosed with mesothelioma in the first place? These are hard questions to ponder; they have no tangible answer right now.
As I look forward, I know that I will always struggle with the loss of my father. Even so, I have to keep the faith that a cure for this cancer is right around the corner. With faith in God and the help of doctors, researchers, and regular supporters like myself, we can conquer this disease. Let’s work together to make 2017 the year where mesothelioma comes to an end. God bless you and have a peaceful, happy New Year!
Sending Thanks to All This Thanksgiving
This Thanksgiving, I would like to take a moment to thank each of you for the opportunity to tell my family’s story. It has been a beautiful experience to be able to share our struggles and triumphs with you. Being able to express my thoughts through writing has been cathartic for me, and has helped me cope with the loss of my father.
Over the past several years, many people have reached out to me. I hope that I have been of some help and support to you. It is an honor that you considered me and have shared your journey as well; I am truly humbled by this entire experience.
One thing that I learned from my Dad was to always be happy with whatever you have. Whatever lot God has given you, delight in it. Even if you are going through a hard time, be glad that you have been given another day to fight. There is a quote that I read from a gentleman named Rick Warren that goes as follows:
“Happy moments, PRAISE GOD
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD
Painful moments, TRUST GOD
Every moment, THANK GOD”
What a true and beautiful sentiment this Thanksgiving. I pray that you all have a wonderful holiday with those you love, holding each moment close to your heart.
Feeling the Love After Losing My Dad to Mesothelioma
The day that my father passed away was a day full of shock, grief, and sadness. These feelings overwhelmed me, and figuring out how to process them seemed to be an insurmountable task. The days and weeks following, it seemed as though I was in a fog. I was lost and trying to make some sense, any sense, of what had just happened. That was when I realized that I needed to look beyond the grief to find the love.
The day that my father passed away was a day full of love, support, and compassion. Within minutes of receiving a call that Dad wasn’t breathing, a friend came to my home to be with me until my husband arrived home from work. After we got the news that he had passed away, we began to make some calls of our own. These resulted in an ocean of love.
When I finally got the courage to pick up the phone, I called one of my dearest friends who was an hour away. I was scared; saying the words out loud that my Dad was gone made it seem more real. She answered, thankfully, and I told her what had happened. I just needed to let someone know, not expecting anything at all. Within an instant, her husband, one of my oldest and closest friends, showed up at my door. He ended up driving us the three hours to my parents’ home only to turn around and make the trip back. That is love.
During this time, our family began to come. No one said a word; they just hugged us and cried. There was nothing to be said, nor was there a need for a conversation. Knowing that they were there for us gave us all that we needed, love.
When we arrived at my parents’ home, we were greeted by more family members who were there to support us. Throughout the next several days, the outpouring of this love was more than I could handle. I never knew that you could feel so much comfort in the wake of inexplicable sadness.
God truly blesses us with exactly what we need at the moment that it is called for. Through all of our hardest times through Dad’s journey with mesothelioma, we were always met with a helping hand, a hug, and a promise of prayer. I can never repay those who were there for my family and me during this time, but when I think about it, I don’t believe they would want us to try. We are surrounded by the most amazing people and I truly thank God for them every day. They were able to help me see the love through the tears.
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My Dad’s Memories Will Last
October 15 will mark three years since my Dad lost his battle to mesothelioma but won his wings in Heaven. Three years. Three years. I have to keep repeating it to myself to even make it seem true. This time of year is always very difficult for me. As the dreaded anniversary date draws closer, I always think to myself, “Three years ago, this was Dad’s last Sunday”, “Three years ago, this was Dad’s last Monday.” I go on and on, torturing myself, really. It’s so hard to think that no one had any idea that they would be his lasts. What would we have done differently if we had known?
Then, I turn my thoughts. I begin to think about the other kinds of “lasts” for my Dad, the ones that really count.
These “lasts” are the things that he left behind that will always endure. His effect on people will always last. His memory will last. His impact on my life will last. His stunning example of how to live a life full of grace in the face of the toughest adversity… will last.
Sure, I still think about the last time I saw Dad, the last time I spoke to him. These things will be forever etched in my mind, yes, they will last. But thinking about these other lasting legacies that he left for me bring me such great comfort.
Another way to look at his lasts here on earth is to think about the firsts. His last seconds here led to his first in Heaven. How can that be a sad thing? For us who remain, we don’t get to experience what he did. He was instantly relieved of his pain, his worry, and his illness. Our first seconds without him were unconceivably different from what was happening to him. During our greatest shock and suffering, Dad was going through his greatest joy.
As much as I feel selfish for wanting him back, how can I not? But realistically, I would never want to take that away from him for my own benefit, even though I miss him desperately.
These past three years have been full of a gamut of emotions running wildly most of the time. I find comfort in thinking about all of the good times that I was able to share with my amazing father; remembering him is a beautiful tribute. This is how my Dad will last.
Dunbar Fall Festival Raises Funds for the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation
Sept. 24 was the Dunbar Community Fest, a wonderful day full of food, fun, and fellowship. Each year my family has a raffle booth there to benefit the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation. We appreciate all of the work that the committee puts in to make the event so successful each year!
We had 24 items to raffle this year, plus t-shirts, and our Dining with Donnie cookbooks for sale. All of the visitors to our area seemed to really enjoy taking their time placing their raffle tickets carefully in the items of their choosing.
One of my favorite parts of this event is listening to the stories that people come to share about my Dad. There were several gentlemen who worked with him who spoke about his funny nature and gentle spirit. There were others who told stories about adventures they went on with my father, and even one who told me that her first date with her husband was to my parents’ wedding!
All in all, it was a great time, even though I missed Dad through it all. He loved being involved in any project that I would undertake, particularly planning an event. He was so proud of the efforts we did together to raise money and awareness for the mesothelioma community, and I know that he was smiling down on us that day!
Thank you to everyone who helped to make Dunbar Community Fest and our raffle table a wonderful success and for your continued support and prayers for my family!
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