Author: Joseph Belluck
Appreciate & Respect Your Father while He’s Still Here
Last night, my husband and I were on a date… to the grocery store. (We’re quite glamorous that way!) I was walking down an aisle when I noticed a man standing in the middle of it with his cart. His daughter, who must have been in her 20s was with him, helping him choose some brownies from the shelf. I heard her say, in an angry tone, “So you like these ones!” She then noticed me, as I was waiting to go around her father, and proceeded to yell, “Dad, you’re in the way!” I told him that it was no trouble, and mumbled under my breath as I passed the girl, “Don’t talk to him that way.” As they were leaving the aisle, I saw the gentleman looking as though he were a schoolboy who had been scolded by the teacher. As I heard her bellow, “Anything else?”, tears filled my eyes.
I managed to hold it together for the remainder of our shopping, but the second we got into our vehicle, the tears started to flow. My husband looked at me, confused. I told him what I witnessed. I am a pretty non-confrontational person, but never in my life had I wanted to say something so badly; I wish she had heard my mumbled disapproval. I started to think of what I would have said if she had responded.
I knew exactly what it would have been:
“Miss, you don’t know how good you have it. You don’t know what you’re doing. You see, I lost my Dad three years ago to an awful disease and I would give anything to have the chance to grocery shop with him. Sure, I know that things can get frustrating at times, but this man that you’re here with, he matters. You might feel like you’d rather be anywhere else, but from my perspective, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now. You’re wasting a precious opportunity to make memories with your father, and you can’t get these moments back.”
“Look at your Dad’s face. Can’t you see that you’re hurting him? Be patient with him. He probably looked at this outing as some great bonding time between a father and daughter, but instead, he is left with complete and utter disappointment.”
“I’ll pray for him tonight; I’ll pray that he finds comfort. And I’ll pray for you. My prayer for you, young woman who thinks you are too grown up for your Dad, is that you never have to know the kind of heartbreak and heartache that I do. I’ll pray that God helps you to remember how good you do have it, and to appreciate it every day.”
Loss of Loved One to Mesothelioma Motivate You To Help Others
The passing of someone you love changes you; anyone who has suffered a deep loss will tell you this. There is something about you that is just not the same afterward. There is pain, an ache, that never goes away, no matter how much time goes by.
Loss is a constant presence in the room, causing you to look for the one you lost, playing a cheap trick and laughing when you realize that they are not there. Loss is a hunger, a need for one more moment together, one last “I love you” that you know will never come. Loss is excruciating.
In the days and weeks following my father’s death, I wondered how I would go on for the rest of my life without him. I contemplated possible scenarios that may come my way and how I would handle myself without my most trusted advisor. I prayed, and still do, for the strength to find myself in this new world, this new reality that I can’t look in the eye.
I never thought that I would have to go through life without my Dad. Losing him when I was 30 was incomprehensible to me; there was no way that this could be real. I’ve come to learn that even though I’ve accepted the fact that my father is no longer with me, I still haven’t come to terms with it completely. I go on with my life as if nothing happened, but inside, I know the truth.
I know that my heart has been broken and a piece of it will never be repaired. I know that this quiet, gentle man who I called “Dad” took a part of me with him, but also left some of himself here for me. I don’t think that you truly ever move on from such an immense loss. Maybe we learn to cope and function, but we’re never really the same.
If there is one lesson that I can learn from my experience, it may sound cliché, but it’s that life is truly short. I believe that we are each given this beautiful gift of life, and with it comes an amazing opportunity to make someone else’s life better. Don’t be afraid to do great things.
Let the change in you, the one resulting from loss, motivate you to make your life the best it can be, and share that with everyone around you. Be an example of kindness in the face of adversity, love when you are in sorrow, and peace when everything seems to be falling apart. Be a spark of hope, show loss who’s boss.
Victim’s Daughter Answers Question, “What Is Mesothelioma?”
“But what is mesothelioma?” This question usually follows when I tell people how my Dad passed away or why I’m fundraising. I then go into what causes it, the treatments Dad went through… the “science” of the disease. Most of the time, people nod their heads and go on with their day. But they don’t know the part about what mesothelioma really is to those who live it.
Mesothelioma is a thief, I’ve said this before. It steals your loved ones, their quality of life, and their comfort. In the last five years, I have seen so many people lose parents, spouses, and friends from this cancer. I, myself, have lost people that I care about to mesothelioma that I have gotten to know through being a part of this community.
Mesothelioma is a way of life. Unfortunately, when you are struck with this diagnosis, it consumes every part of you. Patients are constantly seeing doctors, receiving treatment, and thinking about the fact that they have mesothelioma. Caregivers are always looking for ways to help their loved one. And the truth of the matter is, for me, those three months between Dad’s scans were always torturous. You never knew what would be around the next corner. It truly takes precedence over every other aspect of your life.
Mesothelioma is unforgiving, unapologetic, and does not discriminate. I have known very young people and the elderly who have been stricken with this cancer. It doesn’t care who you are or what you do. It can’t be bothered by the fact that you have a family who you love and who needs you. It simply takes.
Mesothelioma is, in fact, a cancer caused by exposure to asbestos, but it is so much more. This disease has changed my life and the lives of countless others in ways that we never could have imagined.
Mesothelioma Patients are Not Alone on their Journey
Throughout my father’s journey with mesothelioma, and even now, I have been blessed with wonderful family members and friends to support me. They have been there through every triumph and struggle, all the ups and downs of this part of my life, but sometimes, I still find myself feeling alone.
When you are faced with a life altering event like a mesothelioma diagnosis, it’s easy to find yourself feeling like no one understands. My entire family was doing their best to cope with the news, but each one of us had to process it, and ultimately go through it, on our own. It’s important to remember that no two people are just alike. If you gave 100 people the same exact situation, you would have 100 different reactions. It is this way with every turning point in your life.
Something else to remember is that it’s ok if you don’t want to share every detail of your experience with this disease with the world. There are some things that you want to keep private. Even I, writing about my family’s story all these years, don’t divulge every nuance of our lives. People will ask questions, and it’s ok to say that you aren’t comfortable discussing it. The topic of mesothelioma may be all that you’re asked about. Sure, there are some people out there who are just being nosey, but the vast majority are truly concerned and want to help.
Keep in mind that even though you may feel like you are on this road by yourself, you are not. Your friends and family are right there with you, undertaking this journey in their own way. Even though it may not be easy, try to keep an open line of communication so that when someone does decide they want to talk, they know that somebody will be there to listen.
Please remember that you have countless people praying for you. Total strangers know how they felt at different points in a mesothelioma story, and only want the best for you and your loved ones. Keep the faith and remember that you are not alone.
Donate to or Help a Mesothelioma Charity This Season of Giving
I have written before about how many wonderful people I have encountered in this community. These warriors are individuals whom I admire and I am honored to know. However, all too often, these friends pass on.
I find my heart breaking to see how much my mesothelioma family has to go through, along with their families. It is so sad to see good people suffer unreasonably. Mesothelioma is a completely preventable disease, these deaths are completely unnecessary.
At this time of giving, think about making a donation to a charity of your choice that helps to combat mesothelioma. Every little bit helps and makes a difference. Pray for those suffering with this awful disease, and help to spread mesothelioma awareness whenever you can.
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