Author: Joseph Belluck
The Serenity Prayer Offers Comfort to Family of Patients
Prayer has gotten me through a lot. This prayer, in particular, has helped me throughout my entire journey. It’s commonly known as The Serenity Prayer. Take a second to pray it and really let the words sink in. It’s truly beautiful.
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change… Courage to change the things I can and Widsom to know the difference.
Prayer and a Listening Ear are Priceless Ways to Support Those Battling Mesothelioma
When someone you care for is diagnosed with mesothelioma, you might wonder what you can do to help. The first answer is, of course, PRAY and ask others to pray as well. Never, ever underestimate the power of prayer. Our family and our story is proof of that. You might feel as though there is nothing else you can do, but the truth is that you can.
The family that is going through a mesothelioma diagnosis and treatment is scared, tired, and exhausted in every capacity. Any help that you can offer is important. If you know that the person with the diagnosis usually does a certain task, ask if you could take that job over for a while. For example, Dad always spends a lot of time cutting grass, so family members took care of that for him. If you always see someone at the grocery store, ask if they will give you their list and pick up the items for them.
One thing that was extremely helpful was people helping to take care of my two grandmothers who my parents looked after. In this case, if you are a family member, or are close to the family, offer to help take on some, or more of, the responsibility in that regard.
Take a healthy meal over to the family. Trust me, they are too tired to cook and might forget to eat all together. Nutrition is so important for any cancer patient, and helping them eat, and eat right, is a great help.
Lastly, a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear are priceless. Spending time with the people impacted by a mesothelioma diagnosis is so meaningful and kind. Let them know that you are praying for them, that you support them, and that you are there for them whatever they may need at any time. The visits we received throughout our journey were so precious to us. Knowing that you are not going through it alone is a priceless thing.
Keep in mind that any kind of help you can give or offer is appreciated whether those involved are able to express it or not. Remember that they are going through a very difficult time. When offering your help, try hard not to overwhelm them, as they are already feeling devastated, so be sensitive to their situation. Friends and family members are an important factor in helping someone recovering from mesothelioma, so you are a cherished member of the team!
Finding Comfort in Stories After Losing a Loved One
Words are powerful things. They can lift spirits, they can bring comfort, they have the ability to calm us. When you are talking with someone who has lost a loved one to mesothelioma, or any reason for that matter, words need to be chosen with care.
For me, I found a lot of comfort in stories that people shared with me about Dad. I love hearing how he did something nice for someone, how he played a joke on someone, or how he fell for a joke that someone played on him. A relative even brought 50 cents to the viewing. It was from someone who owed it to Dad for a bicycle he sold to him 50 years ago. These things brought a smile to my face and joy to my heart.
Seeing how many people cared about Dad was overwhelming to me. Each person had something to share and just wanted to show our family that they support us and are here for us. Sometimes, just the presence of friends and loved ones says more than you could ever articulate with words.
A lot of people aren’t really sure what to say in this type of situation. Some said nothing, which is fine. Others simply told us that they didn’t know what to say! I appreciated these people who assured us of their prayers. After all, it’s what we needed (and still need) the most.
When you talk with a person who has lost someone dear to them, be genuine. It will be appreciated and treasured more than you can know!
Jennifer Gelsick Thinks of Her Father Three Months After He Loses His Fight With Mesothelioma
January 15 marked three months since I lost my Dad. A lot has changed, many adjustments have been made both internally and externally. Although life is not the same without him, we have been doing our best to carry on while carrying Dad with us.
For me, every day starts out a little differently. I used to call Dad every morning to check in, see how he was doing, and let him know what my plan for the day was. He loved hearing about our businesses. Where was Mikey working today? Do you have any meetings? He was so proud and interested, it made even the worst days of work worth it, knowing that I could share my stories with my Dad.
Every time something funny or remotely interesting happens, I always want to reach for the phone to call him. On Thanksgiving morning, as we got ready to make the trip to see my family, we put our dog in a sweater. It was funny and I knew Dad would get a kick out of it. I thought to myself, “Since Dad won’t be there today to see this, I’ll text him a picture.” Instantly, I felt a pain in my heart. They say that old habits die hard – how true.
Even though I have these lapses from time to time, I have been working hard to remember that Dad would want me to enjoy every second that God blesses me with, not to worry about him, especially since he’s now in Heaven. I talk to Dad a lot and that helps me. Sometimes, when I’m not sure what to do, it’s almost like he’s telling me what path to take. This comforts me so much; Dad always gave the greatest advice.
The pain of losing my father is still very fresh, but I feel like I can now handle it a little better. Talking to family members and friends, watching home movies, and just reminiscing about how wonderful he was now brings me comfort and not so much pain.
It’s been said that time heals all wounds. I’m not sure that this wound will ever be healed, but I guess we have to learn to tolerate the pain in some sense. With faith and trust in God, all will be well. For all of us who have lost a loved one, let’s keep working to find a cure for mesothelioma, so that others can avoid this wound.
Know more about Mesothelioma and how you can deal with it.
Five Lessons I Learned from Caring for My Father During his Fight with Mesothelioma
When I was asked to write about what I’d learned from living with someone with cancer, I was stumped. There are so many nuances that go along with this topic, where should I start? After a lot of thought, I came up with five things that I realize now are so important.
- Don’t let cancer dictate every move you and your loved one make. After Dad was first diagnosed, I found myself letting my whole life revolve around cancer… not Dad necessarily, but Dad’s cancer. It can become easy to stop treating someone like a person and start treating them like a disease. Every time Dad would move or cough or say he was tired, I would instantly jump into action thinking that something was wrong. He finally told me that he was okay and he would let me know if there was a problem. I did my best to honor his request and not worry so much.
- Try to relax. For your sake and for the sake of your loved one, try to take a breath and relax a little. When you stress, those around you feel it and start to feel anxious as well. This doesn’t fare well for anyone involved.
- Ask for help. A cancer diagnosis comes with a lot of challenges and tough choices that you would never think of. It is way too much to try to handle them alone. Talk to other family members, trusted friends, your Priest or Pastor, and ask them to assist you. Most of the time, people want to help, they just don’t want to appear nosy or overbearing. Even having someone pick up some groceries or take a trip to the post office for you can be a huge help. It’s also wonderful just to have that support around you.
- Cling to your faith. Dad carried a coin with him every day that said, “Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that You and I can’t handle together.” Take a second to think about that. It is so true. My family has relied on our faith in God to get us through every stage of this journey. From start to finish, God brought us to and through each point along the way.
- Treasure every moment. I cannot stress enough how important this is. For every person, no matter what your health, our time here on earth is fleeting. Every second you spend with those you care about is special. What you might think is just a normal, boring day, is what you’ll miss when someone you love is no longer here. I would love to have even one more second to spend with my Dad, but God had a different plan. No matter what, don’t take anything for granted.
I hope that these five things will bring some comfort and help to you. Please know that my prayers and the prayers of my family are with you always. God bless you!
Mesothelioma Warrior Faces Declining Health
One of the saddest things about dying from cancer is the realisation that you can see your body deteriorate. At first, especially with mesothelioma, it’s that little breathlessness you never had before. That small incline at the bottom of the road was easy a few months back, now you find you need to stop to take a moment before setting off on to the flat.
In all the years I have been fighting mesothelioma, my one problem was pain, not breathlessness, until last year when I noticed I got breathless walking the dogs, always after walking up an incline.
Just this summer, with a stomach full of fluid I was still marching around. Always a fast walker, on the flat I was walking without a problem, but the stairs, on the other hand, became somewhat tiresome.
Suddenly, after having the drain fitted and taking on a chest infection my breathing plummeted – I can no longer walk five yards without being breathless. Stairs are my enemy, even walking to the kitchen and back takes all my strength. This is full on realisation that makes me worry, ‘Will I always be like this?’ ‘Can the chemo reverse this,’ and lastly, ‘Is my time nearly up?’
There are some solutions to elevate the problems of mobility, such as a wheelchair for going out, a chair lift for those stairs, but mentally this doesn’t remove the fears that our bodies are weakening to the effects of the cancer.
I know bowel cancer, stomach cancer and various others do bring pain, but many are towards the very end. With mesothelioma we seem to suffer from start to finish. I guess that is what makes this the worst cancer in the world to have. Unless some high powered minister or government official ever had to suffer or watch their family member go through this, they will never see or understand the complexity of what this disease does.
I hate the fact I can see the changes taking place, I can see the pain it brings in my husband’s face, each time I have to ask him to help me. I am losing another piece of my own independence, and I face the fact that I am getting worse.
We are all holding out for that one drug that will help, but since the development of pemetrexed, which works on only 40% of mesothelioma, nothing better has come on the market. That drug was found by accident, maybe the next one is around the corner. But unless a significant amount of people get a benefit from a new drug the trials are scrapped. What happens to the 60% it doesn’t work for?
As I now battle with the spread of my cancer to the abdomen as well as both lungs and back on my pericardium, I fear the worst. I have to believe the chemotherapy I am trying now will take me back to the health I so enjoyed in May and prior. Never again would I complain about that little bit of being out of puff, I would rather that than be in a wheelchair. Never before have I felt like an invalid, but now I need to review my life and begin a new way of normal.
To those facing this same decline we must stay focused on the fact we are still here and still able to share in the life and enjoyment of our loved ones, for it is them we keep pushing ourselves on for. I must put away my own worries about my decline so that my husband can feel he isn’t helpless anymore but helping me live as full a life as normal.
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