Author: Joseph Belluck
Congratulations and Thanks to Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center
Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York City was recently rated the best cancer hospital in the United States by U.S. News and World Report. Dad was blessed to participate in a clinical trial with Dr. Lee Krug of MSKCC. How amazing to have had the opportunity to be treated at the #1 location in the country!
All of the doctors and staff that Dad encountered at MSKCC were amazing. They were compassionate, friendly, understanding, and knowledgeable; all qualities necessary for helping cancer patients and their families. Anyone who has gone through a tough medical situation can appreciate how important these qualities are in a care team, and this group is a paramount example.
Congratulations to the entire staff at Memorial Sloan Kettering, what a well-deserved honor! Thank you for all the life-saving work that you do on behalf of my family and all those lives you have touched!
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Don’t Hesitate to Ask Your Medical Team Questions During Mesothelioma Treatments
I ask a lot of questions. You can ask my family and friends – I can honestly find something to ask about anything. I’m not sure why that is, it’s just how I’ve always been. This was no different when my Dad was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma. In fact, I probably asked more during this period than I ever had. And you know what, it was ok.
All of Dad’s doctors, nurses, and caregivers over the course of his fight were extremely helpful, willing and able to respond to any concerns we had. No question was too trivial or small. They realized that we were scared and had no real idea of what was going on. They were also compassionate and knew that we were doing our best to comprehend the best ways to help Dad get through this awful time. There was also the medical end where everyone wanted us to understand what was being done and why.
My point here is that you should never be afraid to ask questions of your medical team. It is their job to know, or get, the answers that you are looking for and to explain the whole process of treatment to you and your family from start to finish. It is important that you are comfortable with the care plan being put into place for yourself or your loved one. Asking what a pill is for or why they are doing certain things is ok. It’s your right to know and the team understands that not everyone is a medical professional.
It’s alright to be scared and uncertain. Trust me, I was there, and it’s not an easy time to endure. I did learn that the more I understood, the better things were for me. I was glad to know what was being done to help my father and why it would be beneficial. I felt better when I could at least start to wrap my head around it. Knowing the plan of action was therapeutic for me; Dad was being helped.
Even if you don’t know what to ask at the time, write your inquiries down as you think of them and bring them up the next time you meet with a member of the medical staff. A mesothelioma diagnosis is a lot to take in, but there are wonderful people in the meso community ready and happy to help you with any questions or concerns that you have. I am so thankful for the entire medical team who helped my Dad, and appreciate all of their patience with my endless questioning!
Finding and Giving Comfort
The natural reaction of the human spirit is to try to help others when they are upset or in pain. When you hear of the loss of a loved one, you immediately want to comfort those closest to them… even when you are one of the closest.
When Dad passed away, telling our family members and friends was emotionally draining. It made it more and more real with each phone call. Even though avoidance wasn’t an option, hearing the reactions of others was brutal. Keeping with that natural response, our first instinct was to comfort them. Then we realized that we needed comforting ourselves, that we couldn’t really help anyone else through this time until we grieved personally.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand how important my Dad was to so many. It was just impossible for me to try to help ease anyone else’s pain until I had my own under control in some way. There is no concrete time table for this, mourning a loss is a very individual experience.
Others came and went from the house and the funeral home and Church, offering prayers and condolences. When you experience a tragic loss, it’s important to remember that everyone is doing the best they can, and may not know what to say. They try to be in tune with what you might need, but everyone goes through a time like this differently, so be patient with them. Some things people say might come off as insensitive, but remember that they may just feel awkward and unsure of how to approach you.
Never be afraid to let others know how you are feeling or if you need something. People genuinely are there to be of help; guessing what you may need is the hard part for them. When my family and friends saw me for the first time after Dad passed, they didn’t know what to expect. You need to give others a chance to process your reaction as well, as they will normally try to follow your lead.
Pray for the family who has lost someone and be sure to check in on them from time to time. Let them guide the conversation and be supportive and genuine throughout. They may not be able to say it at the moment, but they really do appreciate all you’re doing for them.
MesotheliomaHelp Essay Contest Raise Awareness to College Students
Several months ago, I was asked to judge this year’s Mesothelioma Help scholarship essay contest. I immediately said yes, what a wonderful way to give back! Then, I was told they would like to name the scholarship for my father, and I was floored. What a beautiful honor and tribute to my Dad. I can just hear him now saying that he had made the big time! I was elated to find that this accolade would be shared with Jan Egerton, another beautiful person that I was privileged to communicate with, who lost her battle to mesothelioma over this year.
The Jan Egerton and Don Smitley Mesothelioma Scholarship will be awarded to ten students from colleges and universities across the United States. The awards range from $5,000 to $100. The essays will be judged by me and Lisa Hyde-Barrett, a thoracic surgery nurse.
The underlying goal of this scholarship is to help the educational efforts of students while raising awareness of mesothelioma and the dangers of asbestos. What a wonderful way to get the younger community involved and to educate them about this terrible disease! With the annual number of deaths caused by mesothelioma increasing, we need more advocates to fight for those who suffer from it and those who love them.
Students may choose from three topics:
- A mesothelioma survivor’s story.
- The history of asbestos use in America
- The latest developments in the treatment of mesothelioma.
For more details on the contest, please visit: Jan Egerton and Don Smitley Mesothelioma Scholarship.
I look forward to reading the wonderful submissions this year and to helping more youth become involved in the fight against mesothelioma. My hope is that many eyes will be opened and our number of supporters will vastly increase. Best of luck to all and God bless you!
Dealing With a “Different Me” Since Losing Dad to Mesothelioma
After my Dad was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma, people said there was something “different” about me. They were absolutely right. My whole world had been changed and turned upside down. We had just been told that my amazing father had an incurable disease; there was an instant change in my entire family.
I had always been a worrier, but even the care-free side of myself began to be plagued by a constant sense of apprehension. What would happen next? What would the results of the next scan be? How would Dad feel after his treatments? It seems like millions of questions filled my head. With this on mind, it’s easy to see why I was different.
It seemed as though people seemed to get used to that initial kind of different. They learned to accept that I just had a lot on my mind, and did their best to help me through it. Then, my Dad lost his battle to mesothelioma.
After Dad passed away, I went through a time where I had no idea what to think or feel. When asked the age old question, “How are you?” I often replied with “Ok, doing the best I can,” or “Taking it one day at a time.” The platitude of the day changed periodically. I found that it was impossible for me to express how I was, because I wasn’t sure myself! Finally, people started to ask if I was okay, and I began to say that I wasn’t, but that someday, I would be.
Even though it’s not “ok” that I lost my Dad, I have to find a way to make myself be all right. There are days and things that trigger me to break down, but I have realized that I have to pick myself back up again. Dad would never have wanted me to be upset, especially with the faith that he is in Heaven.
I am a very different person now than I was two and a half years ago. I have watched my family be shaken to its core, but rise up untied and strong. I have experienced a loss so profound that I find it difficult to put it into words. These kinds of things will change a person, you just have to choose to let it change you for the better.
I think that this whole experience has made me much more aware of the suffering of others, and hopefully allows me to be more helpful and in tune with their needs. I am much more mindful that there is no guarantee of tomorrow for any one of us, and that we need to make the most of each day God gives us. This “different me” has felt intense pain that has made me stronger.
Remember that it’s okay to change with the seasons of your life. Everyone has a journey that they must travel and your response to it is as unique as your life itself. Rely on God to help you transition smoothly over the bumps in the road and never lose faith.
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Free Mesothelioma Patient & Treatment Guide
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It contains a wealth of information and resources to help you better understand the condition, choose (and afford) appropriate treatment, and exercise your legal right to compensation.
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