Author: Joseph Belluck
Grieving the Loss of a Loved One to Mesothelioma
If you ask anyone close to me, they will tell you that I don’t like being forced into things. The harder I’m pushed to do something that I don’t want to do, the less likely I am to cooperate. It’s a character flaw, I know, but it’s the truth about me. I don’t like to feel as though someone is manipulating my feelings; in particular, how I should feel about my Dad’s passing.
Many people have said to me, “Your father has been gone for a while now, it’s time to get over it.” They shake their head and say, “It’s really time to move on.” I honestly don’t have a response to these comments. Those saying these things didn’t go through my pain. How can someone be so insensitive to my loss? Everyone goes through this pain differently, and these statements may be motivating to some people, but to me, they are almost insulting. Don’t be ashamed to grieve.
Loss is an individual event. An entire family can lose the same person but each one will process that loss in a different way. Some may be open, wanting to constantly discuss every detail of what happened, attempting to comprehend each nuance. Others might shut down and not want to talk about it. Some people might crave human interaction and want a house full of people; others may prefer to be alone.
When I lost my Dad, I wanted to be around people. Hearing stories and seeing family members and friends rally around us was comforting to me. Even though I had a hard time returning phone calls and emails, knowing that people cared was cathartic for me. It was when those messages stopped coming that it became really difficult.
Since Dad died, a lot of people we know have lost parents. I hate that I know how they feel, but do I really? I lost my Dad, I didn’t lose theirs. I know the relationship I had with my Dad, I don’t know anyone else’s. Although the premise of the loss is the same, each instance is completely different.
Pray for all those who grieve. They need direction, serenity, and peace. Pray to be helpful to them and for guidance to be a supportive friend. The pain of losing someone you love never goes away, the feeling may change over time, but you will never forget them.
Mesothelioma Help Scholarship – Great Opportunity to Make a Difference
Once again, I was humbled and honored to be a judge for the spring Jan Egerton and Don Smitley Mesothelioma Scholarship contest. Jan was an inspiring woman who I was happy to be acquainted with and, of course, Don was my father. A scholarship memorializing these two amazing mesothelioma warriors seems only fitting.
As I read through each entry, I was astounded at the interest and compassion shown by each student. They really did an excellent job researching the topic and many stated how much they learned through the process. I gain a lot of hope in knowing that teens and young adults are becoming aware of this disease and showing a genuine interest in how they can help.
These youths are the next generation of up-and-coming professionals and philanthropists, and it will be up to them to continue the fight against mesothelioma. I find comfort in knowing that the torch will be passed to such motivated individuals.
Educating ourselves about the dangers of asbestos and mesothelioma is the first step in eradicating this cancer. It is our responsibility as a community to make sure that this is done and done well. I am extremely proud of the scholarship participants for their hard work and commitment to serving others.
I pray that you all continue on your journey to help those with mesothelioma, believing in a cure!
Dad Continues to Bounce Back From Setbacks During Mesothelioma Treatment
It was time for Dad to start another round of radiation treatment in Philly. This treatment was supposed to relieve some pain in Dad’s side by hopefully shrinking the cancer. He would have 14 treatments, basically most of February minus weekends. There was going to be a lot of traveling back and forth to get treatment since Dad prefers to be at home and not at my place in the city, or the Hope Lodge that is nearby. My mom was able to get a leave of absence from work to drive him back and forth each day because, unfortunately, Dad can no longer drive himself to treatment anymore.
Dad got through the first week of treatment before the nurses at UPenn noticed that something wasn’t right. Each day, while he waited for treatment, one nurse would take his vitals and check in with him. On the fourth day of treatment his vitals were taken and his blood pressure was 80/30. He was immediately admitted to UPenn Hospital and tests upon tests were done.
Dad was found to be in renal failure and was in critical condition. There were a few reasons that his kidneys could have failed: severe dehydration, his blood was too thin, or the cancer was growing and causing a blockage. After countless tests it was determined that it was a combination of his blood being too thin and dehydration. This was a relief that cancer wasn’t causing any blockage. They had also conducted a scan of his brain to be sure that cancer did not spread there. They were concerned about this because he was very disoriented and confused about what was going on.
Dad stayed in the hospital and continued treatment while he was there. At first they were unsure what would happen, would his kidneys come back? Would he come out of the state of confusion he was in? There was a lot of uncertainty and it was scary to not know what would happen.
Despite the uncertainty of his hospital stay, we were glad that he was there receiving the best treatment that he could get. All of his Mesothelioma doctors were close by and would stop in each day, and he was able to be transported over to the neighboring building to receive treatment. My mom was also able to stay in the hospital room with him to keep him company and to feed him since he would not eat on his own.
He gave us a pretty good scare, but once again Dad bounced back. He was released from the hospital 11 days later with fully recovered kidneys and only three days left of radiation.
Dad continues to amaze me with his will to fight against this nasty cancer.
Know more about Mesothelioma and how you can deal with it.
Dad Keeps Up the Fight Through More Mesothelioma Complications
While living with mesothelioma there are so many worries on your mind that you do not even think about the small complications that could go wrong. Being focused on how fatigued the person is and how much pain they are in, it’s hard to notice other symptoms that occur.
The first signs experienced by my father are nausea and vomiting and we all knew something was wrong, but he didn’t do anything about it. This happened only one week after he was out of the hospital recovering from blood clots in his lungs. The doctors just told us to monitor him and make sure he was still eating and drinking. This was difficult because he had no appetite and could not keep anything down. One thing I was watching for when I was home on the weekends was if he was dehydrated.
I noticed he was dehydrated as soon as I came home one weekend. I finally got him to agree to go to the emergency room to get checked out because he was not eating or drinking anything and was still getting sick. He was checked into the emergency room and was treated for severe dehydration with multiple bags of fluids.
Another concern the doctors had in the emergency room was if he had C-diff because of the many occurrences of bowel movements. They tested him for that, and held him there until his results came back. Having C-diff would have caused a delay in him starting his next treatment. Thankfully this test came back negative and he could go home that night after being rehydrated and prescribed more anti-nausea medicine.
It is so important to monitor your loved one closely for any small symptom. Something small could turn into something very harmful. If my dad hadn’t gone to the hospital that night, his kidneys could have failed from dehydration and postponed receiving any treatment. With this aggressive cancer there isn’t a lot of time you have to play with in between treatments.
Know more about Mesothelioma and how you can deal with it.
Another Scary Bump in the Road During Battle with Mesothelioma
Amanda’s father passed away on March 16, at home surrounded by his family. Amanda had written several articles about her father’s ongoing treatments and his determination that had not been published before his passing. She believes it is important for families dealing with mesothelioma to learn about her father’s ups and downs during his last six months. Here she discusses an issue with his Coumadin levels that sent him to the hospital. The next two weeks she’ll cover other challenges and lessons learned while fighting the cancer.
While Dad was still feeling up to doing household chores, he was loading up the fireplace with my brother Andrew. He bent over to pick up a log and collapsed. Andrew rushed to get his oxygen because Dad was gasping for air and was unconscious. It was very hard for him to regain his breath again, and he did just not feel right, so my mom took him to the hospital.
The doctors kept Dad in the emergency room for a few hours before deciding to admit him. They found that his Coumadin level was too high, and his blood was too thick. He had a few clots in his lungs and this was making his breathing very difficult. He ended up being in the hospital for four days recovering and getting his Coumadin level to where it should be. When a cancer patient is on Coumadin their INR levels have to be monitored regularly. Dad’s tests were too far apart and he should have been monitoring it much more closely with his local doctor.
Because of this visit, Dad ended up switching to the injectable Lovenox shots. These do not have to be monitored, and it does not interact with the patient’s diet like Coumadin. This is one less thing that needs to be monitored and one less trip to the doctor to have his INR level checked.
There are no “how to” guides on how to monitor and keep track of all symptoms that a mesothelioma patient could encounter. My advice would be to keep a daily log of symptoms and a list of conditions. The more you are educated about your condition and the more information you know about others living with Mesothelioma, the more aware you are going to be about your own symptoms. Also, with the amount of emergency room and doctors visits, it is a good idea to keep a log of names of the medications and dosage of each. This makes it easy when dealing with different doctors and keeping everyone on the same page.
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