Author: Joseph Belluck
Remembering All The Precious “Things” I Shared With My Dad
Every morning before my husband leaves for work, he gives our daughter her first bottle of the day. At night, they spend time together that has been dubbed “Daddy in the Evening.” This is their special time, it’s their “thing.” As I watch them together, I wonder what else they will do together; it makes me think back to the relationship I had with my Dad.
Dad and I had a million “things.” We had nicknames for each other that would change periodically. Every night before I went to bed, he would carry me to his closet and help him pick out his shirt for the next day at work.
Perhaps the biggest one, and the one most famous in our family, was Saturday morning. It was a well-known fact that that was our time. My Mom would work three Saturdays a month, and we loved that (sorry, Mom!). We would get up early, head out to breakfast, and then the day was ours. So many of my favorite memories with Dad are from those lazy mornings spent driving around, talking about anything and everything. Once my husband came along, he was blessed to take part in these times as well. I think Dad loved carrying on our tradition and sharing it with the newest member of our family.
While I would give anything for one more Saturday morning with Dad, I realize how fortunate I am to have had a father willing and happy to spend that time with me. I’m proud to say that my little girl will have the same type of Dad, loving her unconditionally and making the littlest thing into the boldest memory.
Even though I still struggle with the fact that my Dad is gone, I realize that I’ll always have our “things;” the littlest things that made the biggest difference.
Advocacy for the Mesothelioma Community May Evolve Over Time
Unfortunately, there are countless members of the mesothelioma community, and our numbers are growing by the day. Each one of us advocates for those affected by this disease in our own way. Some take a more “in your face” approach, some quietly talk to their family and friends, and still others are somewhere in between. No matter where you find yourself, your efforts are appreciated.
For my family, a lot of the level of involvement that we had at any particular time, depended on where Dad was in his treatment process and his overall health. As much as we wanted to be “all in” all of the time, it just wasn’t possible. Our number one priority had to be taking care of my father, while praying for those who were able to be more active at that point.
Emotions can play a big role in someone’s level of involvement and willingness to share their story. For example, when we were grieving my Dad’s loss, I sort of stayed on the outskirts of things for a bit. The feelings of sadness and pain were too raw and I needed some time to sort through everything before I felt ready to dive back in. For others, these feelings may be a catalyst to act and act now. Everyone is different and will respond in the way they feel best for them.
It’s ok to choose your own way to advocate. Even our silent members are an important part of this community. We all have a shared bond that we wish we didn’t, but we have helped each other through the awful highs and lows that are part and parcel with this cancer. We all have our own story to share in whichever way we choose.
The Inconvenience of Mesothelioma
It was a Sunday afternoon. My husband and I had just gotten to my parent’s house and were planning to go to the hospital with them the next morning for Dad’s procedure. They were going to go in, find out what was causing the fluid in his lungs, fix it or come up with a treatment plan. He was going to be in the hospital a couple of days, come home, and be fine. Mike and I were going to leave for home on Wednesday and participate in a home show on Thursday. Everything was supposed to be fine.
The procedure was over and the surgeon took me and my family into a private room. I looked at Mike and said, “This isn’t good.” The doctor gently delivered the news that would forever change our lives. “It looks like a mesothelioma.” At the time, I didn’t understand what that meant, but once the reality sunk in, I began crying and shaking uncontrollably. As I peered around the room and saw the looks in everyone’s eyes, I knew that this battle had just begun and that everything was going to be different from here on out.
Mesothelioma began its reign over our lives. Every waking moment and the majority of my dreams were consumed by it. I thank God that we had some truly miraculous moments during our journey with this awful cancer, but it was still always at the fronts of our minds.
When Dad lost his battle to the disease on October 15, 2013, he was freed of mesothelioma; those of us left behind were not. The remnants of mesothelioma are seen in my family and me every single day. There is always a bit of sadness, missing Dad and wishing he were here for every moment. There is an empty place at the table, an empty rocking chair, and an emptiness in every conversation where his laugh should be interjected.
Mesothelioma is so many things. One thing it is for sure is an inconvenience… not necessarily in the traditional sense of the word, but in a harsher way. Our lives were changed and impacted in ways we could never have prepared ourselves for. This disease is a game changer, and not for the better.
Waiting and Praying for a Cure for Mesothelioma
Patience is a virtue; this phrase has been repeated to millions of people, millions of times, for millions of different reasons. For mesothelioma patients, their families and loved ones, the waiting is often the hardest part.
There is a lot of waiting involved in a battle with mesothelioma. You wait for test results, you wait in doctor’s offices, you wait to feel some relief, you wait for a new treatment option. Ultimately, you wait for a cure.
I spent many hours agonizing over what my Dad’s scans would show. I wanted to know if things were clear; I needed to see that nothing had come back. But once the doctor would walk into the room, I wondered if I would rather hear the results or continue waiting.
The time spent waiting for appointments is trying. You understand that there are other patients who need care, but couple the waiting with anxiety and the result is awful! When Dad would be having a hard day, I would wait for him to feel better. When he was doing well, I would wonder if he would have to experience any more illness. The emotional rollercoaster is never-ending.
Waiting for new treatments and a mesothelioma cure is hard. You pray for it every single day, hoping that the next option will be the one that can eradicate this disease once and for all. Please continue to pray for this. It would be wonderful if all of this waiting could end, and we could all start looking forward to a brighter future, free of mesothelioma forever.
It’s Time to Start Planning for Mesothelioma Awareness Day
Mesothelioma Awareness Day is once again upon us! On September 26, people will come together raising funds and spreading awareness of this awful disease. Remember that together we can make a difference and work to find a cure.
Once again, my family will be putting together a raffle table at Dunbar Community Fest in my Dad’s hometown. We have received donations from family, friends, and businesses who have been extremely generous with their support. All the proceeds will benefit the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation (www.curemeso.org) who provide support to those impacted by mesothelioma, as well as funds dedicated to research.
What can you do to participate in this special day? The sky is the limit! Hold a fundraiser, talk to someone about mesothelioma and the dangers of asbestos. Anything you can do will provide a positive impact.
Education is an important aspect in the fight against mesothelioma; get involved! Check out The Meso Foundation’s website for more information on events in your area. Help out with one, or start your own! The mesothelioma community appreciates your continued efforts and prayers!
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